Thursday, April 29, 2010

No, Your crotch is great

After last weeks dr visit I was fully prepared to have to have my cysts cut out and stitched up to the point where I would not be able to bike for a few weeks. HOWEVER earlier this week they pretty much took care of themselves and burst on their own. I thought maybe they would come back. SOoooooooooo I went on a test ride this week and biked for a few hours. Typically I would get super uncomfortable around an hour and would not be able to walk normally for the rest of the week. This time I was fine. I thought maybe just maybe the Dr would spare me and HE DID! In fact they told me "your crotch is great!" I asked if they wanted a picture but they declined. I ended up yelling out "Suck it supersquamaous superficial cysts! superficial cysts 0 Jody 100!" I don't remember the technical name but basically one of the hair ducts got all fucked up months ago and just needed some time making me miserable. But now I am comfortable on the bike! YIPPEE!!!!!!!!

This week has been lots of training. I was encouraged to go to a "bootcamp" pilates class. Little did I know what this meant. LG convinced me to go with her then decided to bail on me. I had to go by myself. Ho Hum. Well I got there and started chatting up a young man asking him if I needed sneakers etc. I knew he looked familiar but when I realized why he was familiar I was glad I didn't do the whole "how in the world do i know you" thing. He was one of the millionaire matchmakers from the bravo show. I wonder if I will get that once my debut on WIPEOUT airs!!! I am going to be so famous my goodness. My friends and family better get used to it. I am kind of a big deal.

Bootcamp turned out to be pretty awesome. It was very fast paced and pretty advanced but that pace gave me no time to complain, swear and give the instructor dirty looks. I loved it. My shoulder however did not appreciate it very much. But thats okay I know if I just jump in the pool this week that will feel better.

I want to wish all the triathletes in CALI luck this week with so many races going on!!! A fun time for the sport. I just realized a fun sprint tri is happening in a few weeks right down the street so I may just have to sign up for that. It would be my first sprint. I think MACCA is doing that one too so maybe I could continue to convince him to be our friend. Maybe I should see if he and his family need a place to stay....hmmmmn

Monday, April 26, 2010

Don't F with this broad!

I nixed my 8 mile run on Sunday because well this weekend we had way too much fun and I was actually up until about 12 each night (GASP!) which is extrememly late for me. We had a sunset cruise on Friday night. Our friends got an amazing hook up and we were on a 60 ft yacht and went all around the harbor with great food, drinks and alot of laughs. I may or may not have mooned the entire restaurant at Fish Market. I was not alone, and we feel that we made the nights of those eating (they were trying to grab their cameras to take a picture). Saturday we headed up to the OC for my first time in Laguna beach/Newport Beach. We definately need to go back cause we just went for dinner with our buds. I looked for all the Laguna beach stars but did not see any..BOOOOO!!!
So instead of running Sunday when I knew it would be a huge suckfest I just went to the pool. I ALMOST was a big girl and joined the masters swim. It looked like a small group. Then I saw them hoisting themselves out of the pool (which sadly I cannot do) and then do a whole bunch of crazy stuff. Due to the ole shoulder I figured I would just take it easy and do my own thing. I did not take it easy. I decided to do a whole bunch of 100s. I warmed up, did 10 timed 100s. I was pretty pleased because my 100 time came down even more to a 1:53 since my swim lesson. I am moving in the right direction so that is good. I decided I would get my run in today after work. I always torture myself trying to decide where to run. I mean the coast is beautiful and all, but its hard on my legs being all concrete and with the mileage getting up there I much prefer the trails. I do not however prefer getting raped and murdered in the trails. hmmmn whats a girl to do. I decided to get the dog on her leash and much to her dismay we went out for our run. She resisted pretty much the whole time, but I just considered that like resistance training in a way. We did 4 miles in the trails. I knew that would be it for her and I needed some water. I took her home and found a package in the mail from my in-laws! It was perfect timing because it was a can of mace for runners! YAY!!!! I slapped that baby right on my hand and took off. At one point there was a man without workout stuff or hiking stuff on and he was alone. I got ready took the safety off and was ready to fuck some shit up. I was ready. Turns out he was just bird watching but if he weren't I would have been ready. I might just start carrying this stuff all the time. Although at one point it got kind of hard to breathe and I kind of worried that a little might have sprayed while I was running. Turns out I am just totally not in shape to be running hill after hill in my flippin neighborhood.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Never have I ever

Never have I ever had such a ridiculously funny trip to the Dr's office. After my "situation" a few months back of growing cysts the size of testacles after a really long bike ride I have been plagued. I have pretty much been unable to bike without serious pain. It doesn't matter how long or how short. I never healed up and really want to begin half iron training so I need to be avel to tolerate more than an hour on my bike. So off to the Dr I went. I was excited when I heard I was scheduled with the same Dr that I saw around Christmas for my bronchitis. He was awesome. His son has special needs and he not only knew what a speech therapist was but was so thankful to me for the work that I do. We connected and we had similar personalities and he got me better.

Anyways I first saw the resident and told her all about my issue. She was very thorough. I gave her the run down "yes I grew testicles a few months back, they did nothing, told me to exfoliate, but nothing ever got better and I can't ride my bike without wanting to cut off my cooter." She laughed. She got me and she took notes in her cute little pink leather book. Anyhoo she then decided to ask "anything else an issue right now." ughhhhhhh yeah how about the fact that every month about 3-4 times a month I am plagued with unfathomable diarrhea. I then told her that I even went so far as to name various stages UD(unfathomable) GD (Ghastly) and then just regular. I described in such detail. She looks horrified and asks "how long has this been going on" my reply "probably the past 10-15 years..."

Okay so cut to the Dr coming in. He laughs and says "so you have an issue with biking?" "lets cut to the chase doc, I am turning into a man." He 'takes a look' and his facial expressions were not good. I knew this was not going to be taken care of right then and there. He leaves the room in a hurry and comes back with another strange man to check out my nether regions. This man says "so i hear we have a hermaphrodite here" (these guys surely have a sense of humor and knew I did as well or they probably would lose their license). At that point I realized my phone was like under my ass. I asked if they wanted to take a picture to upload it to their facebook pages. It was getting real ridiculous and was like a romper room all the while I am sitting there in the gd stirrups.

They all take a feel and decide that I am going to have to come back (despite my pleas to just do it then and there) next week. It will be about an hour long procedure. I am still not clear if they are cysts or ingrown hairs that are just totally impacted but regardless they are going to go in there and take care of "the situation." I could not be more thrilled.

NOW lets get on to the more hilarious portion of the visit. The resident then makes the dr aware of my 'other situation.' He said "how bad is it?" My reply "doc i have pooped myself more times than I am proud of." After my explanation he seemed to be pretty convinced that I may have a parasite and that the reason it happens so cyclical and does not seem related to any particular food is that hte parasite is just going through its life cycle. So how do we determine this you ask? Well that is where the next hilarious part of this dr visit comes into play. Dr then says "well I need a sample of your warm diarrhea, like right out of you, you go and then you bring it in." Excellent. Fortunately many of my ass attacks occur at work which is close to work.

I then went to the LAB to pick up the devices in which to place my 'samples.' Now this room is the size of a closet. Its packed. I am thinking "there is no way I am going to have to explain what i need in front of all these people...they MUST take me into a private room." Somehow all of a sudden I was feeling shy and modest. The lovely indian man calls my name. Yup turns out we are going to do this in the waiting room. He starts putting these little tubes into 3 different bags. He is explaining what to do indetail to me and the other 25 people in the room. He then numbers the bags and says "this is number one, number 2 and number 3" I say "shouldn't they ALL be number 2?" hahaha at this point most of the room started laughing. I mean they were all listening anyways I may as well make a mockery out of myself. He then says "wow miss you must REALLY be struggling down there." Yes sir thank yo so much. So not only do I have to figure out how to have my ED (just thought of the other one Explosive) into a tube, but I then have to drive to the hospital and plop my 'sample' on the desk at the lab, IN FRONT of everyone there. That grosses even me out. I will have to figure out how to get those samples into those tubes....hmmn

So come next Thursday I will hopefully be free of anymore posts about biking sores. I will also have to take about 10 days off. Well 10 days off of riding cause I will have stitches but I should be able to do something....
Not thatI am hoping for a parasite but if it is that then I don't have to get the colonoscopy. I just don't know how that would go....

Sunday, April 18, 2010


Why is it that it takes about 4 months to get in race shape and about one to two weeks to fall out of it? I thought that last weekends run through the lagoon sucked because of the fact that I had had a few beverages the day before, but after this weekends run I do not think that is true. Granted I did have the stomach flu Thursday into Friday BUT I did not expect my heart rate to be above 90% the entire run today. I met my friend LG and we ran the boardwalk in PB. I typically ran this on Tuesday nights with my team when we did sand intervals. Now I did not FEEL like I was going at 90% but thats what my garmin said....Could it be that our garmins were feeding off of one another? Or could it be the fact that I am likely dehydrated, and it was hot? Either way it is pretty annoying to feel like you should slow down in fear of overdoing it. We did manage to get in 7 miles exactly! It was like a tour of LG's terrible dates in SD because she would say "ohmygod take a look at that guy" and I would think it was cause of one reason and it was instead "that is the guy I had a terrible date with" Ah good times.
Brian and I went on a ride on Saturday. Lets just say it was something else. Lets also say that perhaps we both woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Biking is a funny thing, and its kind of hard to talk, so there are times where you think you are being heard but really all you are hearing is the wind. Anyhoo at one point I yelled "i'll just see you at home!" Forgetting that he is faster than me, so that did not work out like I had planned. We got home and pretty much laughed our asses off at what tools we were. Hey when you spend pretty much every waking hour together this kind of thing is bound to happen. I was however pretty pleased with myself that I was able to make it up the hills at our house. It was my first time doing it on my new bike that does not have a granny gear. That and there were a few men in the neighborhood doing hill repeats that were walking up the hills. I stayed in my seat and pedaled past them. It felt pretty good. Anyways back to the grind this week. I am pretty much back on track but should be swimming and biking and running more....guess I am not back on track. Its a new week!

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Friday, April 9, 2010

the fast and the FURIOUS

I am solely posting this so that I will remember everything that I learned at my swim lesson. I don't think I have had a swim lesson since I was about 6. It was great. I met with Ruthy a local pro and lifeguard. She certainly knew her stuff and it was so nice to have someone just watching me and my form and how to make it better. Swimming is kind of like golf sometimes. Everyone has their own way of giving you helpful pointers and it seems like the more they tell you the suckier you get!
Ruthy had a way of breaking it all down. Lucky for me there was not a TON that I was doing wrong. The first focus point to work on was my head position. Turns out I was sticking my head way under the water which is not good. Instead it should be hitting just about where your swim cap comes up. Even with that pointer I felt like I was actually on top of the water. Like kind of when you have a wetsuit on.
Second and third focus were pretty much on my stroke which I have never really known what the hell to do there. So basically I was entering the water by my ear (in my defense I was taught all of this stuff my first year of triathlon). Then I was pulling back with my elbow instead of using my gangly arms to my advantage and entering the water after reaching further.
Third was to pretend to "climb the barrels" and basicallylook like you were hugging a barrel when pulling and windmilling your arms back up around out of the water.
Once I put these all together I felt like I was flying towards the wall. It was like the swimming fairy had come and sprinkled the super fast fairy dust all over me. It was great. I was so pleased. At the end she asked me what my typical 100 was. I know it has never been lower than 2 minutes and usually over. Pretty pathetic. What was more aggravating was that I never really saw any improvement despite swimming a bunch and learning tons of drills. Turns out doing the drills with crappy form will do that to you!
I shaved 10 seconds off of my 100 without even trying!!!!!!!!! AND this is with my bum shoulder.

I am now going to take a few moments to rant about taxes. Read this in the Nancy Kerrigan voice "WHY WHY WHY?!?!" I just don't get it. So it turns out that when you pay thousands and thousands of dollars to get a degree so that you make more money that actually screws you. Cause you see when you earn more money you have to pay MORE taxes. Yeah I KNOW! (clearly I do not pay attention to this kind of thing.) So now not only do you have about 100 K in loans but now you have a better job because of it and you actually make around the same as you did BEFORE you went to school when you factor in your monthly payments. THAT IS AWESOME!
WHY DID WE GET MARRIED! Okay I thoroughly enjoyed my wedding in Mexico, BUT we never should have made it legal here. Turns out you are heavily PENALized for not owning a house OR having children. EXCUSE ME!!! I still pay someone ELSES mortgage AND have a dog who I am pretty sure costs us more than a child. So people, please wait be married until AFTER you have had children. You will be better off.
TURNS OUT Obama's tax decrease just meant that less was coming out of your paycheck but you STILL OWE THE SAME DAMN THING! Oh and if you did not procreate or buy a house because then you are triply screwed! After crying for literally 2 days I am now just a bitter bitter woman scorned by the man. Stupid man. Bri has decided we are going to start our own country. Merillstan where taxes are the same across the board! I am just going to start working the streets so we can possibly make this payment in time.
I wonder what will be on our flag?

Monday, April 5, 2010

Back to Life Back to REALITY

In the words of my mom after a vacation its "BACK TO REALITY" I can almost hear her voice saying it....

I have to say I love vacations, I love going to places I have never been, I love going to places I have been, I love to relax, I love to eat in new places but I LOVE to come home. Sad I know but even in Hawaii towards the end I was ready to be home. Home is a bunch of different places. When I fly to Boston I say "I'm going home" then when we fly to San Diego I say "time to go home." Home is where the family(that includes my friends) and of course where the PUPPY IS!! Obsessed I know, but I don't care.

We came home and just settled in and I went on a run Saturday to shake off the cobwebs. I gotta say I should NOT have worn my old sneakers cause I got kinda sore towards the end of the run but it started to rain a bit and it felt good. Kind of reminded me of running in New England! I will hopefully get a few good runs in when I am home in Boston in May for a wedding, can't wait to run around the Charles!!!

At one point (now this is where my psychicness comes in and I really am intune with shit like this) I was lying in bed with the dog and I started to think about an earthquake and what I would do if and when it hit. I thought "well I am close by the patio door out so I guess I would go outside. I even looked out to check on wires and such. Weird. Weird because a few hours later the house started to rumble. (as I am writing this we are getting more aftershocks) This was different than the times that I thought we were having them but it turned out to be our spin cycle on the drier. This time everythng was moving. Of course I took the time to grab my phone so I could post on facebook right away (safety first right) and then we went to the backyard where we could see everyone had also retreated outside. The pots and pans were clanging and the ground even outside continued to rumble under my feet. I have to say it was kinda cool and yet scary at the same time. It was a 7.2 that occurred not too far away in Mexico. That is about twice as strong as the Haiti earthquake. Amazing what the earth can do. Since then there have been probably close to 15 aftershocks at least. I swear I spent most of Sunday running outside and was awoken this morning to another shaker. There have been others since I moved here but I honestly never felt one. This was apparently the strongest one felt around here in about 15 years. Some say dogs are supposed to sense these things. Belle was likely licking herself or scratching the huge gash she got at the groomers.

Thanks Belle, remind me to get a smarter dog next time. (jk belle mommy loves you)
You never know, a dog could read.

On the training front, I am now in focus for the future races coming up. I have a half marathon and olympic tri in June. But I am really thinking about another half ironman. In the running at this point are
SOMA- pros: closeby can drive to it in arizona cons:flat, hot, looks like a crappy loopy course
IRONMAN 70.3 Austin- pros: its austin and I have never been and i LOVE the fried pickles and bbq in texas, looks like a cool course, flat and if it has the name ironman on it its gotta be good cons: it would be a plane ride
IRONMAN 70.3 Timberman pros: its in NH during my school break cons: its in NH during my school break. With all the travelling this year for weddings (may boston/mexico, july boston, september boston) I cannot imagine travelling during my time that is supposed to be rejuvenating from a rather stressful/taxing job.

BUTCHA NEVER KNOW! If any of you have done any of these events let me know your feedback.

NEWS!!! I just hired a swim coach, she is a local pro triathlete and lifeguard and from what I hear a great swim coach. I am hoping someone can help me get from the back of the pack to the middle of the pack! I have my individual session on Wednesday night. I will see if I need more, but I am hoping that she can help identify something I am doing wrong that is causing my shoulder to flip the F out every season!

Saturday, April 3, 2010

my trip in pictures: PG13 at best

Me and Macca at the pasta party. If he only knew what he was in for the next night.



i'm sure bri was crapping himself here.

Out of the water and off for the bike!

The team running our honored hero Ted in to the finish!

At the finish in A-Bay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And here is where the fun begins:

The setting: The Malalo Lounge

The cast: The SD TNT chapter and all the pros/winners of the race

Let me set this scene: I decided that the closest I would get to professional athletes was now, and that I would do what I want to do to those like them (ie tom brady, timlin if i had the chance).

Also I was highly lubricated after a long day of racing...................

Not sure where this pose came from but it is something like when I like to climb through brides dresses on the day of their wedding.

I left out alot of the other pictures because I don't want these guys to lose any sponsorship because of hanging out with the likes of me. Lets just say they are funny and you wish you were facebook friends with me. Here is Bri hanging with the pros. Lets put it this way, not only can he not keep up on the course, but he certainly cannot keep up with the drinking either. We were quite a scene the next day getting onto our flight in Maui......

A great time a great trip and now it is so nice to be back home with the puppy!!!