11/11

Thursday was Veteran's day which also is my mothers birthday. She would have been 59. I honestly think the thought of being that old would make her puke, but i'm sure she would rather be here with us than an eternal 50 year old. I spent the day working but had some time with my niece. At one point we were dancing in the living room and THE SONG came on. This was THE SONG, the cry in the shower song, the song that I heard after my mom passed and it moved me, the song that still if i hear it to this day it can rock me. The song came on and E-beth just looked at me and said "it sounds like a beautiful butterfly song" and started floating around the room. Presh. I have always connected with music, there are songs that can not only get you through a tough time but can connect you back to that time and bring all that emotion back. When I know I need to connect to that time, I will listen to that song. I miss music, for most of my life music was always on. I grew up with lots of music, granted it was always michael bolton type stuff that my mom liked. I went to my first concert at a young age and have attended hundreds of concerts. I have been slacking in the music dept. I don't love itunes or downloading music but i LOVE pandora. Actually pandora is where i first heard THE SONG. I played all my moms favorite music for her while she was in the hospital, I remember wanting her to connect with all those times and songs that made her happy and to take away the fear and pain that i am sure she felt at that time. Then we played all her favorite music at her funeral, odd to some but it just felt right. I miss her tons and it is still hard to imagine life without her.

I was walking with my doggie and contemplating things a bit. I was thinking about what has brought me to this point in life. I NEVER imagined opening my own business, and I was wondering how i could ever put into words what got me here. but now i know. it was my mother, it was her death, her absence that truly changed me. Obviously loss like that will change a person, but how did it change me? it was that loss that prompted me to start training for endurance events. the reason was my mother, i wanted to help empower families and people who are diagnosed with cancer and hope & pray that maybe one day there will be a cure. i do not know where i would be at this point in life if none of that happened. i realized that being healthy, and exercise could save a person. it changes you, changes how you feel, it destresses you, it forces you to breathe when sometimes its hard to do.

these events gave me courage, strength and confidence. but the best part of it all was being able to connect to my mom. whenever i was out on the roads or on the bike or anywhere it was like connecting to a good song. i found a way to honor her life but to honor my own and to hopefully inspire and help others along the way. i still find it funny when someone tells me that i am the one who inspired them to participate in a race. so here i am opening my own fitness studio. what a gift. a gift to be able to change other peoples lives, make them feel stronger, more confident and to connect to whatever it is they were disconnected from.

it is no shock that my actual opening day will be 12-11-10. who knows how this all worked out that way, but the fact that i will start on the 11th of the month once again connects me to my mom. i owe her a big thank you, thanks for this opportunity. i will take none of it for granted and will hopefully be able to make more of a difference in peoples lives now. all i can say is, on 11-11-11 when she would be turning 60 we are going to do something awesome.