Live a little

Below is what I should have been singing to myself during today's "epic ride." Instead I said MANY swear words, and lots of whining and begging and pleading with the man above to get me safely to my car. I heard this song on my way home, just ignore that it is a Miley Cyrus song and look at the words:

I can almost see it
That dream I’m dreaming but
There’s a voice inside my head sayin,
You’ll never reach it,
Every step I’m taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep tryin
Got to keep my head held high

There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
theres always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb

The struggles I’m facing,
The chances I’m taking
Sometimes they might knock me down but
No I’m not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I’m going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on,
cause

There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb

Okay so today's ride was about a 45 minute drive east to Pine Valley where we would be doing MOUNT LAGUNA (please read that in a dreaded deep voice). My coached prepped us by saying "today will be an epic ride." I was not sure what he was getting at....I quickly realized. We basically turned left out of the parking lot we met at and started the climb. Of course my chain fell off about 2 minutes in, so it took no time at all for me to be covered in bike grease, but at least I got it over with early. Sooooooooooo this ride was a 'gradual climb' as my coach put it, for 12 straight miles!!!!! Yes 12 miles up to a 6000 ft elevation. Now i'll be honest, I hate heights. There were parts that I would not even like to drive by in the car let alone on a bike with nothing keeping me from going over the ravine. It took me close to 2 hours to do this climb. I had to stop a few times since my fingers and toes were numb (very strange but whatever) and I kept trying to scope a spot to pee, but did not feel like bearing my ass to the many bikers that drove by. Instead I waited to go at a lodge. I tried to stay positive, but instead said this: "this sucks" "I am turning around now" "I hate my coach" "I hate doing this alone" "i'm probably going to die" "was that a black bear I just saw?" the list really goes on.

I eventually made it through some more rolling hills to our SAG car (the person who follows us making sure we are safe, and then parks so we can refuel and eat cheetos). This was at mile 18. I stopped here and luckily there were a few girls from my team that made it there before me and were also planning on turning there. It was at this point that I realized how ridiculous the Santa Ana winds were. Out of nowhere there were gusts that would blow bikes over, and swing open car doors. It is that kind of wind that you do not want when you are turning around to go downhill with whipping cars, and no guard rails keeping you from falling into a ravine. As my coach put it "be careful of the wind, you will either go over the side into a ravine, or be pushed into traffic, and you don't want that." REALLY!?!??!

It was nearly about 90 degrees at this point so I was just ready to get to my car to turn some AC on. I was really dreading the downhill. I do not feel safe at all going downhill, let alone for 12 straight miles. My hands have never gripped my bars and brakes so tightly. I had to stop a few times because I was so tense I had to loosen up. The wind was really whipping and I decided to clip one foot out juuuuuuuuuuuuuust in case I got pushed over I could maybe stop myself with one leg. I just looked the other way when I was on the edge and super high and prayed no cars were coming so I could ride closer to the road and away from the edge of death.

Eventually I made it. I may need new brakes after that ride. While I hydrated up at my car most people were returning and saying "wow that downhill made up for the climb" and some even made it over 45mph. Me? I kept it at a steady 20mph, HOWEVER I am still alive to talk about it. Someone actually told me I need to "live a little"....I thought thats what I was doing!!!

So since I focused on lots of negative thoughts I will now reflect on the positives of todays ride:

I challenged myself well beyond what I thought I would be capable of.

I did not pee in public

I did not die

I wore enough sunblock so that I did not burn

I did not get silly tan lines

I did not have any anxiety attacks over the height

I NEVER have to do that again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!