Glory Days

At my school we have a few highlights throughout the year. First up was the Holiday show which I emceed and all the classrooms do full out skits and what not. Very impressive and has been going on for 20 years. Next up is a walkathon to raise money for our school. Just to give us a little more to do, we decided to have the first prom. We threw it together in a few weeks and decided on the theme being "the Prommy's" and the kids would walk the red carpet and feel like celebrities for the day. It was such a crazy day starting out with setting up (and there were only about 5 of us able to do so) blowing up hundreds of balloons, decorating, and my other speechies set up a salon in our office where all the girls came for nails, hair and make-up. It was absolutely awesome. All week my date showered me with flowers, real and made and was so excited I knew that prom day would be something else. Even though he speaks very little he did tell me that I should wear "red" so red it was! His reaction was priceless and we walked arm and arm down the red carpet where Bri was there to chaperone and make sure no funny business went on. My date would not let go of me or let me stop dancing the entire time. It was just like prom, sweaty and stinky. I forgot to mention that one of our OT's is in an unbelieveable band and he got his buddies to come and play so it felt like a true blue prom. A few times other students tried to come up and steal me for a dance and my date was not having it at all. To avoid a full out brawl I obliged and tried to keep the peace. It was hilarious to say the least and a great time had by all! Now hopefully it will be an annual event because it was so special to see all the kids and staff have so much fun.

Oh and I was in severe face pain the whole time and just sucked it up. Made it to the Dr last night and I have another bout of trigeminal neuralgia. I was slightly concerned because the internet is bad for self diagnoses. But even the Dr looked it up on the internet. Its basically extreme face pain on one side. It is however mainly coming from my jaw today so I kind of wonder if it is a TMJ kind of thing. THe Dr. said it was most likely stress and asked if there was anything stressful going on and thank god bri was in the room because he quickly reminded me "the dog jodes" ohhhhhhhhh yeahhhhhhhhh that would do it. I was convinced I would get the shingles after last week. Its amazing what a stressful event will do to your body. I am feeling the stress to say the least. I am worried about my training and my injury and just really losing my umph! I feel like this training season is just one month too long cause I am starting to dread my Saturdays, well my weekends in general, and that is no way to live! I am sure it is just a moment of weakness but this is not easy, especially when your body does not cooperate. BUt I will not give up. I will power on and I will swim, bike and run, and drink lots of wine come July 18th!!!

Dr. Dr. gimme the news

This week I quickly realized that I would need to see a Dr about my foot pain. I had a proper bike fitting on Monday at a local bike store and it was extremely thorough and EXPENSIVE. I had to get new shoes since mine were really old and really heavy. There were no shoes under $140....awesome. I also needed new pedals that would perhaps give me the ability to move my foot a little more towards my natural position (much like a duck). Those are going to run me about $250. I convinced the guy to let me try them out before purchasing and so they did. Maybe they'll forget about me and I can just have the used ones for free.
Since I had such bad luck with Dr's out here in the past I figured I would not mess around since my event is in a month and went with a highly recommended sports medicine Dr. I showed up nice and early and even though I gave my insurance information to the receptionist the day before, she says "oh we don't take your insurance here." I don't think that has ever happened before, I didn't know what to do. My recent bike trips have cost me quite a bit of money and I just felt a bit overwhelmed. I asked how much and she said it would be $150 for an hour. I just kind of stood there looking perplexed and reminded her that she could have told me that the day before. She felt bad and said they could do it for $75. Since my copayments alone are $35 I figured it was worth it for a good dr, especially if his diagnosis and rec's could save me from going from dr to dr. I am glad I did. He was amazing. He gave me a very thorough exam and came to the conclusion that it is most likely plantar fascitis. He said if it is a stress fracture it is really early on and it would not be picked up anyways. He also said that if it was it would hurt alot more when I am actually working out. My pain is mostly at night, or when I am not on my feet. Weird I know but whatever. So my coaches have suggested I lay off the running and do my 'runs' on the eliptical. Now seeing as I don't have a gym membership out here that may be challenging but i'll see what I can do. Figures that I pick up an annoying injury just one month before the event. I just want to be as injury free as possible because that makes all the difference in the world come race day. I have only made it through a training season one time without being injured so I am used to this and really not too concerned at this point. Luckily the swimming and biking are not hard on the foot so I will just keep on keeping on.

TO test my foot out I went to a hip hop class with a friend from work. It was so much fun and reminded me of how fun working out can be. Of course it was led by the cutest, most flamboyant gay man that I have ever met. I wanted to put him in my pocket and take him home. We learned a dance to a JLo song and I worked it pretty hardcore. The class was so diverse, there were young girls there and women up in their 60s and everything in between. I think a few of the women had on body glitter, which i'm not too sure how I felt about that. Since my crazy scottish pro is out of the country for the month, that frees up my Tuesday nights so that I can do some fun stuff. I felt like I was watching myself when I was 10 years old cause there was a lanky young girl there who was just spazzing away learning the dance moves and although she knew them perfectly, she was just a bit too awkward to make it all come together. BOY I REMEMBER THOSE DAYS!! Not that I am much different now, but I must say I can learn a dance routine pretty quickly. I am very much looking forward to some more fun stuff once the triathlon is over. Bri and I are planning on taking tennis lessons down the street from us. I'm sure i'll end up with tennis elbow in no time!!

My flights are booked as well as my dads for the big event. I am very excited for it! This weekend is another long workout and I will do the whole bike and possibly attempt to run a bit if my coaches permit. Then the next weekend is a recovery week and then on the 4th of July is a doozie! 60 mile bike ride and 10 mile run. I am hoping to be healthy enough to complete that before the event. While I know that my legs can take me at least 26.2 miles, I also know how important it is to be healthy at the starting line. So that is what I will focus my attention on this month and hopefully not lose my fitness level at all. Here's hoping!!!

Tough Life

This is where I swam today. Yeah I know. Today that middle part was not in the pool so it was really a 50 yard lane. It was pretty awesome. The ocean was to one side. This place was amazing and it was pretty cheap, and if we lived in Coronado it is practically free. I busted it out for about an hour and swam 2000 yards. I have no idea how many miles that is, I think its just a little over 1. Come to find out when you swim the same stroke in an outside pool you get tan lines that make you look like you are 8 years old again. sweet.

I did not work out yesterday and I tried hard not to feel guilty about it. I have had a pain in my foot for a few weeks. It is where a bunyon would be if i had one and kind of feels like a foot cramp that doesn't go away. It gets worse with inactivity, so if I take a nap or at night it is pretty painful. THen as soon as I get up and it loosens up it gets a bit better. I had a plantar fasciatis problem a few years ago and although it feels different and not as severe, the whole nighttime thing sounds familiar. I am going to see a doctor who deals specifically with "athletes" so that he is on board with whatever it takes to make it to the finish line. He was recommended by a teammate so I have a feeling I will be in good hands unlike my previous doctor experience here.

So I took it easy and will most likely do so until I know what I am dealing with...maybe. I am getting a bike fitting tomorrow so that I can figure out why my rides are so uncomfortable (i.e. I lose all feeling in my lower extremities). So hopefully that will help, apparently I have mountain biking clips and shoes right now. THey pretty much looked at my bike and told me everything was all wrong.....awesome. It should be a nice and pricey night tomorrow!

Belle is doing well, no more seizures which is good. The vet said sometimes they don't happen for a while so if they are far enough in between then we may not even have to treat it. That would be nice. I would prefer never to see her go through that again.

Over and out!

Belle's terrible horrible no good very bad night

So my wonderful husband has been away this week and before leaving I thought of the things I feared most happening while he was away:
someone breaking into the house
the dog getting fleas
the dog puking
Apparently I should have added THE DOG HAVING AN EPILEPTIC SEIZURE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!!!!!!!!

The dog got fleas on Monday and I quickly rectified that situation and only cried a little bit (I hate bugs.)
Last night while I was cozy and in a nice slumber with my dog she darted off the bed nailed the bureau and began scurrying around the house like a maniac. I originally assumed she must have heard something, and she fell so hard that I also thought she must have broken a leg. She was just scurrying around and convulsing and running into walls. I got her onto the rug and tried to get her to respond. She was pretty much out of it and would not respond to much (even her favorite squeaky toy). She finally started shaking and then started to throw up, but that was the least of my worries. Eventually she got up and I quickly realized her legs were fine. I of course called Bri at about 4:30 his time panicking and crying, so he talked me down. I was going to take her to the emergency room but once she came around I figured I would see how she did through the night.

I assumed she fell so hard and hit her head causing the convulsions. While I see seizures on a regular basis at school I had a feeling it was one, but thought it must have been brought on by the fall. I kept the dog up all night (as if I could sleep anyway!!!) and woke her up about every half hour to make sure she was okay. We went to the vet this afternoon and the Dr was pretty certain by my description that it was an epileptic seizure and that is probably why she fell out of the bed in the first place. He said its pretty difficult for a dog to get a concussion or anything like that.

Basically now we have to wait to see if it happens again to make a proper diagnosis. In the meantime I just had to sitck some tupperware under her while she squatted to get a pee sample.
I swear I should never have kids because I am not sure how I would endure watching a little one in a situation that I could not control. oye!!

OH I ALMOST FORGOT. Last night in my panicked stupor I took the dog out and she pooped. Its about 2am and i reach to pick it up with the doggy bag and didnt realize it was ripped and got poop all over my hands. Boy was I grossed out. WHAT A WEEK

The vets are running some tests to rule out any other issues and once those are ruled out we can see about getting to a neurologist to get some proper meds for her so that she does not have to go through that again. The poor thing was so scared (and so was I!!).

Reflections

Since tomorrow is the anniversary of my mothers passing I figured I would get serious for once. It is so hard to believe that seven years have gone by. I don't think it will matter how much time passes, I still remember it all as if it were yesterday. It is frustrating that those memories will stick with me forever, but that the little memories and happenings of our day to day lives slowly slips away with each passing day. While I still do feel a major connection to my mother I obviously wish she were physically here to participate in life with all of us.

This comes at a good time for me motivationally. I have about a month left of training until my triathlon and am continuing to raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Here are the facts, my mothers cancer was horrible. She was diagnosed way late, and did not really have a fighting chance. When my mother was diagnosed with myeloma she went to an info session and was told that the statitistics were "1-3 years." She left that day and never spoke of it to any of us. Almost 6 months after her diagnosis she went in for a stem cell transplant. That was supposed to "cure her" and I thought that would be it. She was home within a month or so and was even able to return back to work for some part time hours. Shortly after the myeloma was back again. Most people get years after their stem cell transplants before the ugly head rears itself again. My mother had months. After enduring all that went into the transplant she knew she did not have that in her again. In February was the first time that I realized that we would lose her. She ended up in the hospital with pneumonia and was put on a ventilator for the first time. It was frightening. ALthough she may have been ready to go then, we were not quite ready for the harsh reality and she managed to pull herself out of that and come home again. A month later she was at my birthday and that is where our last picture together was taken. Just months after that while my father was building a ramp so that she could easily access the house in the wheelchair, she went back into the hospital and would not make it home.

I will never forget my mothers doctors coming into the waiting area and crying with us saying "I just know that there will come a day when there is a better treatment and we will think of Betty Lou." I just really hope that that is true. That is why I have been pushing my limits for 7 years and begging everyone for money so that someday I can read an article or hear from a researcher that they have the answer. I am not asking for a cure, I am asking for something that makes life a little bit easier for people who have to live everyday with cancer.

There are now many new treatments for myeloma. I often think if she had been able to live 3 years, she would have been able to answer my phone call to hear me say "I got into grad school!" if she had lived a little longer than that "hey I had a crazy blind date with a midget" a little after that "I had another blind date with someone I might marry" If she had been given 5 years to live, she would have seen my brother get married and hold her first grandchild. If she had lived 6 more years she would have been there to meet Brian and I after we got engaged. If she had lived a little more than that she could have been the one holding her fathers hand as he passed away and soon thereafter to be the one to tell her mother that papa was gone. Its probably a good thing she wasn't around to hear "we are getting married in Mexico" and even more so, "we are moving to California" because she probably would have killed me.

While its those big times that make it really difficult to be without her, it is really those little things I miss the most. I still can't smell parmesan cheese and not think of my mothers hands after she had grated the cheese for our pasta dinners. All the times she teased me for having "fried eggs." All the times that she would reprimand me and then I would hear her on the phone with her friends laughing saying "the apple doesn't fall far." The times I would walk into the house after being out with friends and hearing "you smell like a goddamn brewery" (after 21 of course). The smell of her baby powder that she always put on after a shower. The many days we would spend at the beach soaking up the sun. I can't help but laugh when I hear daughters and their mothers bickering and fighting. I want to say so badly "do you have any idea how badly I wish I could have a fight with my mother right now?" There is nothing quite like the bond and relationship between a mother and a daughter. People think it is the big things that shape their lives and mold them into who they are, but really it is all the little things we do. 7 years might not sound like much, but if someone who has just been diagnosed with cancer hears that their prognosis is about 7-10 years, just think about how many of those small moments you can still have, not to mention the big ones.

I truly wish nobody would have to go through what my mother went through, and what my family did as well. But the fact is that this is probably not the hardest thing that I will have to endure in life. I can only hope that my efforts will make a difference to somebody being diagnosed, and a difference to their family. 7 years ago I thought I was going to be feel lost for a long time. I quickly found my way and tuned my situation into one I could deal with. TNT has been such a big part of that. Not only for the comraderie of it all, but for the feeling that I can actually do something so that someday, someone might be able to have a few more holiday parties to throw, a few more fights with their kids about who they are hanging out with, or a few more laughs with their husbands about how much their kids drive them crazy and a few more days to see their kids grow into adults they would be proud of.

Hopefully after 7 more years I will be able to report that nowadays people diagnosed with myeloma can expect a cure. You just never know when that is around the corner.

If you would like to donate to the leukemia and lymphoma society please visit my page:
http://pages.teamintraining.org/sd/VineHIrn09/jmerrill

Thanks for all your love and support the past 7 years, I would not be here without it and will continue to need it with each passing day.

Pee bushes

The focus of todays workout was "extending the brick." My word for todays workout would have to be 'uncomfortable. ' My legs were pretty much numb after about 18 miles. Not sure what the deal is there but I have to keep stopping so I could get some circulation going. My coach thinks my seat may be too big so I am going to try to look into a new seat. We rode up the coast through Camp Pendleton and it was a nice flat ride. I did 44 miles and averaged 13.6 mph which is okay I suppose. After the ride, we had a 7 mile run. My stomach was like someone put a giant ball of junk in it. I really have to figure out a better nutrition plan. I am going to try some accelerade next week and see if that helps at all. I had to do quite a bit of walking to get my heart rate down and I felt like I was barely moving. Another coach asked what my heart rate was while running, and he basically said I should be about 10% lower and remain at 75% of my threshold. I let him know that I would be walking if thats the case because I already felt like I was crawling while running and my heart rate was still about 85%. The problem is that when your heart rate is over 75% you are unable to digest anything, even water. This means that my body is pretty much not digesting anything on the bike or run. hmmn. At least I have a month to figure this out! Oh did I mention that the whole run all I could smell was urine. There are some bushes along the coast that are brutal. This did not help so much since I felt like vomiting most of the way.

Bike stats
time 3:12
distance 44 miles
calories burned 1975
elevation gain 1922
average heart rate 160

run stats:
time: 1:29
distance 6.8 miles
13 minute miles
best pace 10 minute mile
average heart rate: 169
highest heart rate 179
calories burned: 629

WaWaWaWaWIPEOUT!

Okay so since a very young age I have always enjoyed watching people hurt themselves. If you fall in front of me I will laugh at you, whether you are a friend or stranger. I still watch america's funniest videos with the hopes of an old persons montage where I typically wet myself from laughing at watching the old folks who are usually hopped up on some booze and wiping out like no other. Or if you have never watched the "grape lady" video on youtube you must. I can barely make it through alive.

Anyhoo since no new shows are on silly shows are back, such as WIPEOUT! While sitting here I thought "that looks like fun." Bri just reminded me that its filmed here in California. So yes people I just applied to be in Wipeout. I will surely keep you all posted if I hear back from them. I mean I can't understand why they wouldn't want the most unathletic athletic person on there, who pretty much makes an ass out of herself on a regular basis just for kicks. I would soooooooo love to bounce on those balls.

Brian just reminded me that the host of the show, the "mazda girl" is on his top five. She is like the 600th person to be on his top five.